Squirrelstar's Revenge
by NerdyNebula
Summary: After Squirrelflight returns from the Moonpool as Squirrelstar, she discovers she's been replaced by a magic squirrel-cat who's up to no good. The only way to solve this is through a randomness battle. (Warning: Contains extreme randomness. Randomness may be hazardous if you are not prepared for high levels of crazy.) Rated T: Just in Case
1. Back From the Moonpool

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Warriors series, Beyblade tops, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney or anything else trademarked. They all belong to their respective owners. Please note that this story is intended as a parody. Thank you.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Back from The Moonpool**

The past day in ThunderClan was… uneventful. Bramblestar lost his last life, no biggie. Now, Squirrelflight would be in charge. A little orange grilled cheese cat was now in charge of a Clan and everybody loves grilled cheese.

* * *

Squirrelflight- now Squirrelstar- was heading home from the Moonpool with her sister, Leafpool, mainly because Jayfeather just didn't want to. The thorn tunnel filled with an echoing voice. It got louder as they entered the camp.

Cats clustered around in one spot, chanting. "Squirrelstar! Squirrelstar!"

Squirrelstar had her eyes closed and was spinning around like one of those helicopter seed pod thingies. However, Leafpool's eyes were wide open, as wide as pancakes. "Um… Squirrelstar…." She stuttered in worry.

"Yes? Are you enjoying the celebratory parade?" Squirrelstar giggled, spinning more epically and more like a Beyblade.

"I don't think this celebration is for you…"

"Leafpool, you silly furball! Did you drink too much Moonpool water again?!"

"I didn't drink any… See it for yourself!" Leafpool pinned her claws into her sister slightly to stop her spinning.

When Squirrelstar finally noticed, she realized she was the one drinking too much Moonpool water.

* * *

The cats of ThunderClan bounced a live squirrel in their cluster. Squirrelstar raced up to Brackenfur.

"Brackenfur! You do not need to give fresh-kill a ceremony! We talked about this!" She screeched.

"Oh, hey Squirrelflight. This is just our new leader!" The golden tom replied, smugly as he kept bouncing the squirrel. Anger glittered in Squirrelstar's piercing lime green eyes.

"That's not your leader! I am! I WAS DEPUTY!" She screeched, tackling the tom. Squirrelstar snarled like a badger until the squirrel floated down.

* * *

The squirrel's arms were crossed and Squirrelstar was digging her shiny claws into the dirt.

"Excuse me, but you are not the leader, nor were you deputy ever!" The squirrel spoke.

"I was definitely deputy! I HAVE PROOF!" Squirrelstar quickly dashed to Bramblestar's old den and came back with a manilla folder. She handed the folder to the piece of talking fresh-kill. "Behold! Last week's allegiance report!" she cried "Read it and weep, squirrel face!" The squirrel opened the folder and, after a few seconds, slapped his knee in laughter.

"Sorry, cat. I think you'll be the one weeping!" the rodent chuckled. Squirrelstar read what was on the paper in horror.

Allegiances:

Leader: Bramblestar

Deputy: Squirrel

How had her name become just Squirrel? There was only one cat who could have done this.

* * *

"LIONBLAZE!" Squirrelstar roared as she stomped up to her nephew, who was chewing a mouse and wearing a "PRINTING PRESS" badge around his neck. "HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN…" she slammed the report in Lionblaze's face "...THIS?!"

"I didn't know how to spell the last part of your name, so I went with just "Squirrel". Sheesh!" Lionblaze said sleepily.

"YOU SAID EVERYTHING WAS OKEY DOKEY WHEN I CHECKED ON YOU AT THE PRESS! DOES THIS LOOK OKEY DOKEY?!"

"Just because we're family doesn't mean I have to give you satisfactory work!"

Squirrelstar growled and snapped the string on Lionblaze's press badge. "You're fired, Lionblaze…" she grumbled.

* * *

"It's just like I told you, cat. You're weeping!" the squirrel teased.

"Well-" Squirrelstar broke off. Then, she smiled a bit as a rebuttal came to her mind. She pointed her finger at the squirrel in the same manner as Phoenix Wright when he screams "OBJECTION!". "YOU'RE NOT EVEN A CAT!" she declared.

The remainder of ThunderClan gasped. ShadowClan gasped. RiverClan gasped. WindClan gasped. The Tribe of Rushing Water gasped. The horseplace loners gasped. StarClan gasped. The Dark Forest gasped. Even the Twolegs gasped.

The squirrel, however, kept chuckling. "That's where you're wrong, kit!" The creature did a stunning triple midair cartwheel flawlessly. When the squirrel landed, it wasn't a squirrel anymore. In front of the ThunderClan cat was a cat with long grilled cheese fur. "Hey!" Squirrelstar screeched "Grilled cheese fluff is my gimmick!"

"Don't you sass your new leader!" the squirrel-cat z-snapped.

"Are you even approved by StarClan?!" Squirrelstar snapped back.

Leafpool woke up from her random nap. "Big news! StarClan approves of the squirrel!"

Squirrelstar was shocked. She had lost her position to a squirrel.


	2. Clan Consequences

**Chapter 2: Clan Consequences**

Squirrelstar- who had her name stripped to just Squirrelflight - sat depressed at the celebratory dinner. The grilled cheese kitty moped as she munched a scrawny mouse from the bottom of the fresh-kill pile. Cats were getting hyper on catnip and playing spin the bottle and such. But, Squirrelflight sat alone.

The nip-powered spin the bottle game was interrupted by the new Squirrelstar's whistle.

"How can he even do a whistle?" Squirrelflight questioned. She was promptly shushed by Brackenfur.

"Attention my wonderful SquirrelClan!" Squirrelstar announced. Squirrelflight growled at that new name. "Recently, I have decided to make some _personnel changes._ " His eyes were directed to his less-attractive female look-alike.

Every cat stared at Squirrelflight as well. Within a matter of minutes, they had become 100% obedient towards the new Squirrelstar.

"So, my primary objective with these very important personnel changes I have in mind-" Squirrelstar rattled on.

"Get to the point already." Squirrelflight's loud grumble broke through the crowd's silence.

The leader rolled his green eyes. "Fine… I want to banish Squirrelflight from the Clan."

"Gasp!" All of the cats gasped. Leafpool, who was carrying in more catnip for the party, was startled, causing each leaf to cover her in a poncho of herbs.

"Well," Lionblaze chuckled, the catnip obviously entering his system. "I guess that's why they call you _Leaf_ pool."

"Lionblaze, I will ground you straight to the Dark Forest if you make that pun again." The sub-medicine cat growled, her body twitching.

Squirrelstar cleared his throat. "Ahem. As I was saying, I wish to banish Squirrelflight from SquirrelClan because she has made no contributions thus far."

"Purdy hasn't contributed either!" Squirrelflight pointed to the elder who was doing absolutely nothing.

"We can't just dispose of elders! They tell nice stories and we need them to cross the street politely." The squirrel-cat delicately stroked the elder who was, miraculously, still alive.

Squirrelflight was unable to create any counter arguments (except for "Ummm… But.. Ummm..", but that doesn't really count) against her fuzzy foe. She had lost.

"So, without any **further** interruptions," The squirrel-tom was getting impatient. "Let us proceed with the banishment." He bared his feline fangs at the word "banishment".

"B-banishment?" A youth tom bit his claw nails. "You mean, what they did in the olden days?"

Brackenfur rolled his eyes. "You mean book 3? You just flat out called me old."

That was when Leafpool sprang into action. She knocked off her entire catnip garb and faced Squirrelstar. "Well, Mr. Squirrel. If you banish Squirrelflight, then you have to banish me!" She was ready to defend her sister, even at the risk of her medicine cat career.

Instead of reconsidering, Squirrelstar clicked on a pen and swiped Leafpool off of a list. "With pleasure! Jayfeather and Alderheart can handle the job just fine."

Leafpool stiffly fell to the ground in defeat, as if she wasn't a living thing. She had gotten herself and her sister kicked out. However, Squirrelflight had one final point.

"I still have children to raise!" The grilled-cheese she-cat gripped her children in a tight squeeze. "I have to stay!"

"We're grown cats, mom!" Sparkpelt spoke through a squished muzzle.

"Sparkpelt makes a firm point. Your argument is invalid." Squirrelstar continuously scribbled out the she-cat's name. Jayfeather, who was pushing Alderheart's nest outside, sighed and pushed the nest back in.

"So…." Squirrelstar twiddled his claws. "Buh-bye!"

The two sisters were kicked on their behinds outside of "SquirrelClan". The Clan was silent for not even a minute before party music was turned back on. More cats were loudly running rampant around camp, adding catmint to their mixture of crazy fuel.

* * *

"Welp. I guess we're kicked out." Leafpool rose from the ground, brushing dirt off of her same color pelt.

"No dip, Sherlock." Squirrelflight rolled her gecko green eyes and swept some dust out of her grilled cheese fluff. "You think I wouldn't notice when I'm kicked out on my fuzzy cheddar-colored behind?"

Leafpool's eye whiskers batted furiously. "Okay, I lost my job in an attempt to _save_ your fuzzy behind. Can't I get any sympathy, you-"

The sister fight was interrupted by a tom's yowling. It didn't seem to be coming from the party-filled camp.

They turned to see a massive solid black tom with piercing yellow eyes and that emo fur hair thing from certain Warriors art styles.

The two-she cats drooled. "When we were kicked out, did we die and go to StarClan?" Squirrelflight swooned.

The tom brushed his emo fur out of his eye, making sure he was seeing the fawning she-cats correctly. Unfortunately, his eyes were correct. Two she-cats wanted him as their mate, indicated by their current chatter.

"I'm so glad that I got fired from medicine cat-hood!" Leafpool squealed.

"And I'm so glad that Bramblestar's dead!" Squirrelflight mewed in response.

The emo tom finally spoke in his monotone voice. "You guys are crazy."

Leafpool and Squirrelflight turned to face the tom.

The grilled-cheese she-cat nearly choked on her excited laughter. "Pfft. Of course we're crazy. We're crazy for you!" Her voice went up an octave.

"Stop. Please." The tom faced away from them and whipped them across their faces with his bold black tail.

"Ow!" Squirrelflight rubbed her cheek.

"It was for your own good. If I catch you fawning over me again, I will murder you." The tom snarled.

"Oooh… A bad b-" Leafpool's flirting was cut off by Squirrelflight nervously slapping her tail over her mouth.

"W-what Leafpool was _trying_ to say was," Squirrelflight gave her sister a quick glare. "'What is your name, mysterious stranger?' Yep. That's what she was trying to say. Yeah." Her nerves and anxiety began to kick up.

"Well, if you have to know," The tom flipped his emo fur, requiring Leafpool's mouth to be covered to prevent her from squealing and getting murdered. "The name's Edgystar. Just Edgystar."

Leafpool almost chimed in with a question before being interrupted by Edgystar. "And before you ask, yes. I am a rogue. Yes, I know that "star" is a suffix reserved for clan leaders chosen by StarClan. And no, I don't care because I do what I want!" He nearly broke into a snarl.

"Uh, uh, I understand, hot stu-" Squirrelflight's claws were quickly pinned into Leafpool's spine. "I-I mean Edgystar."

"Good," Edgystar nodded. "Now, follow me to the rogue shelter. It's way edgier than the forest floor."


End file.
